This week I had a great experience. I "wrote someone up" for a performance issue.

Hold on.

Wait minute.

"I've been 'written up'', you're thinking, "and it was far from a great experience." Well, that's because whoever counseled, coached or "wrote you up" didn't do it right.

In my early years as a manager, it was awful for them and for me. I've done dozens of these and for a long time now, every documented warning has ended up a positive, relationship building experience.

Every. Single. One.

And if you do it right, that employee who you think is going to hate you. You know, the one whose life you're about to ruin, will come out if it more engaged and ready to roll.

But how can that be?

Let's just get right to it. Here's how you do this magic of which I speak.

Get Your Facts Straight

You need to investigate every performance situation. You need to know with certainty that there has been a failure to perform. The only way you can be certain of this is if you're measuring performance in objective ways. If you're not doing that, start doing it or you never have grounds for doing a documented warning for performance, ever.

If it's squishy and subjective, it's not your employee who isn't performing, it's their manager - you.

Document the Problem

If your organization has a formal HR function, it's likely that you have a template to follow in documenting the warning. Be sure to include all the details. Include the date of the issue(s), a description of the issue(s), and the expectation going forward (based on your documented standards of performance).

Do the Dirty Deed

Give the warning. This is the hardest part, but it's also where the magic happens if you do it right.

If you do it wrong, it is a dirty deed, done dirt cheap.

It's always a good idea to have another manager present so that there is no confusion later as to what was said. Then set the stage and don't pull any punches. Don't sugar coat and don't make any personal attacks.

Tell them:

"We're here to discuss your performance and I am going to read what I have documented so that there are no misunderstandings. Please feel free to ask questions, because my purpose is to help you do the best work you're capable of doing."

Read the document, and allow for questions.

If they deflect and try to tell you about others who are also under performing- as this person I met with this week, did - redirect them.

Tell them:

"I understand there may be others with performance issues, and I assure you I am dealing with those, but just as I won't talk about your situation with them, I won't comment on anyone else's issues with you. Today we're talking about YOUR performance."

Once you have completely read the document and asked if they need any clarification or if they understand, complete the documentation with signatures or whatever your process is.

Here's where you turn this awkward and embarrassing situation into a positive relationship building one. I've done this in every documented warning for at least the past 10 years.

Tell them:

"My intent is to help you. My job is to help you perform at your best and approach your potential."

"I have complete faith your ability to perform and I want you to be successful so that we never have to have another one of these conversations."

End with:

"I know this is hard to hear because we all want to do a good job. I know it might be embarrassing, and you might be angry and in the next few hours and days you'll have lots of other emotions. When you start feeling bad or wronged or mistreated in any way, it's because I haven't been completely clear in my communication. Here is my cell phone number. I don't care if it's an hour from now, a week from now or a year from now, if you're feeling bad about this, there's more than you and I need to talk about. I want you to call or text me anytime of the day or night, and we'll discuss this further."

This will work in 100% of cases.

It works because you're looking at this person as a human rather than a performance issue - maybe for the first time.

If you're still having trouble believing that these can be positive experiences, here's how the one I had this week ended.

Three days after the counseling session, I reached out via text (I don't see this person every day due to scheduling), I wanted to gauge how he was doing, how he was feeling.

The text conversation went like this:

Me: "Hey, just checking to make sure you're doing okay after our conversation Sunday night."

Him: "Hi Ryan, yes I am doing okay. Thanks for checking in. Hope you have a good day. Thank you."

Me: "Thanks again for all the other really GREAT stuff you are doing. I have complete confidence in you."

Him: "Thank you. I really appreciate it. You are a good friend."

I also heard from a colleague that his performance the next night was on target, that he hadn't seen him that focused, ever.

I believe he'll be successful. I also know he'll be more engaged because I have, and will continue to:

• Set a clear expectation about what is expected of him on the job (1st element of engagement)*

• Measured all team members based on those expectations

• Proven I care about him as a person, because I do (5th element of engagement)*

• Praised him for the good work he is doing (4th element of engagement)*

• Encouraged his development (6th element of engagement)*

• Talked to him about his progress (11th element of engagement)*

The stage is set for his success and I'll continue to be there to adjust the lighting and make adjustments to the scenery. It's up to him to perform, and I believe he will.

*Based on Gallup's 12 Elements of Employee Engagement as documented in "First, Break All The Rules" Buckingham & Coffman, "12: The Elements of Great Managing" Wagner & Harter, and the Q12 Meta-analysis by Gallup.